Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Weekly weigh-in: -51!

Down 2 pounds this week. Woo hoo! I passed the 50-pound mark. I still have a long way to go until I reach my goal, but it feels really, really great to be closer.

I'm also happy to have progressed in my arm strength training. I moved on to two 7.5 pound weights (my original 5-pound hand weights plus my husband's 2.5 lb ankle weights)...my arms still feel wobbly today.

5K in less than a week! AAAAIIIEEEEE!!! I haven't done the full distance in awhile, so I'm hoping I'm ready for it. Maybe tomorrow morning I'll do a trial run again.

The 50-pound Retrospective

Okay, here's the really weird part of all these physical changes: dealing with the fact that people (0ther than my nearest and dearest) now notice that I've dropped the weight equivalent of a small child. I guess I'd expected to quietly do my thing and not have anyone notice or comment at work. It started subtly, with comments about my hair looking nice...and I hadn't had a haircut in weeks. I just assumed that "Your hair looks nice" was the new, polite way of saying, "Daaaaaaaang, you have lost a TON of weight!"

Now it is pretty much the latter observation. (But said in a kind, positive way...I'm very fortunate to have nice coworkers.) I generally respond with a grin and a "thanks," but sometimes it gets a little weird...like when coworkers say I'm "inspiring" and proceed to tell me how hard or impossible it is for them to eat properly, exercise, and lose weight. I'm still working on these areas--or at least the first two, with the latter being a nice by-product of improving health. But after the first month or so, it hasn't been as hard for me as I thought it would be when I was the one thinking that eating sensibly would be hard and booooooring and--chuh!--forget about squeezing exercise (painful, unpleasant business, that) into my busy schedule. I listen, and do mention that I felt the same way, and tell them how I'm doing it if they ask. But I don't feel exceptional, I mean, if *I* can do it....

What's really weird is that sometimes I feel like an imposter. I know that you can't fake the results; I have focused and taken action to get where I am now. I don't fake likes and dislikes...for example, I don't pretend to hate chocolate or to love vegetables. (I do love 'em...except lima beans.)...and while I do feel good after a run, often as not I don't feel like running first thing in the morning. But I haven't divulged to most people that I have type 2 diabetes and that keeping it managed is driving me to make these seemingly "impossible" changes. Confession time: I feel ashamed of having gotten it, although I believe (in my mind at least) that it wasn't just sustained bad habits that got me here, genetics and possibly other factors contributed. For me, doing everything I can to manage it makes me feel less ashamed. Fear of what would happen if I didn't do anything about it also motivates me. Would I have had the "stick-to-it-iveness" without those really big sticks waving around behind me? Moot question at this point, although not sure what would have been the catalyst after 14 years of being overweight...not sure "feeling tired of being fat and out of shape" would have been enough, but then, it has been for others and may have been for me, too.

Anyone out there going through similar? How have you dealt with it?


John Graden said...

Good post. It's interesting that you mention the impostor feeling. That is a common feeling among those of us who have lost weight but still have the self image of a heavy person. It's called, "The Impostor Syndrome."

The Impostor Syndrome is the feeling that you are not as smart, talented, or skilled as people think you are. It's the feeling that you are a fake and have been getting away with something and are about to be found out. It affects 70% of adults and is especially prevalent in high achieving women.

I've spent the past two decades living with and learning about this common condition.

The Impostor Syndrome is a fascinating topic and the subject of my new book, "The Impostor Syndrome: How to Replace Self-Doubt with Self-Confidence and Train Your Brain for Success."

You can order a copy at www.JohnGraden.com

Anonymous said...

CONGRATS on your loss!!! This was such a good post. It sounds like you are doing a good job of going through some of the 'mind work' that is involved in permanent weight loss.

I didn't get diabetes, but it was 'threatening' as well as High blood pressure, heart disease, and joint issues.

I'm not 100% sure of everything that went into my 'success,' I like to think that at least a part of what happened is a miracle. But I love my 'new' life. I love the food I eat, I love the way I feel, I love the energy I have to do normal things like stand at the sink to wash the dishes, I love the way I look in clothes, and that I have a choice of what to wear, not just, well that'll do.

Keep up the good work, Pubsgirl. I am so excited for you!

Juice said...

50 lbs! Woot! Way to go and keep it up!

Lyn said...

51 pounds is fantastic! Congrats!

I started feeling scared when people started to notice and comment, because I was afraid I would gain it back and they would be saying "oh well, look, she got fat again, tsk tsk." Yikes.

Whatever drives you, it is YOU who have made your weight loss happen, it is you succeeding. WTG :)

MizFit said...

I totally echo John and did some study of it for my masters degree...and it's not just weight loss either but in all realms.

GREAT POST and such a compelling topic!


SeaBreeze said...

Congrats! That's a huge milestone to pass. I liked your post. I know a few people that experienced similar things during their weight loss. Consider it a compliment that people find you inspiring and talk to you about their struggles. The attention can be scary at first, but that's because you're still getting used to the new physical you.

Michelle said...

Wow, you are doing amazing! Keep up the hard work!

mom_of2boys said...

Congratulations on your weight loss! Keep up the great work!