The Place Where the Nuts Hunt the Squirrels

Today's post was going to be something like this:

Title: Ow.

[Body]: Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow....

That is, until I opened my bottom drawer at work to put away my purse and the bag of Trader Joe's Blister Peanuts I'd cracked last night. There it was, stacked on the box of mini Luna bars* and shoving aside the flax packets: the nut stash. (*I rate mini Luna bars "meh," for what it's worth...not sure whether to contribute them to the other snack bars in the breakroom or see if Things 1&2 like them any better.)


I've always loved nuts. No secret there. Lately, though, my brain seems to be living "in the place where the nuts hunt the squirrels (ha ha)," to quote the very bizarro recording artist Napoleon XIV. Usually I just keep one bag of nuts at a time in the stash, and then I finish it pretty gradually. But lately, I'm going to them even more than before as a comfort food. They are healthy and non-spiking, but they are so darn calorie-dense. Even if they weren't, though, I don't *want* to have a "comfort food"...I want food to be food, darn it. Fuel for the healthy, functional body I'm developing. And also, I had to ask myself, "Why am I hoarding?" Well, I know why: stress, winter, stress, leftover packets from last week (when I wasn't sure that I'd get regularly scheduled meals), January, and...wait for it! Stress. It was just one of those weird clarity moments, though, when I opened the drawer.

Another weird clarity moment: Last night, Thing 1 wanted a snack, and we cracked open the jar of peanuts sitting on the counter after Mr. Handsome-and-Handy's grocery run earlier that day. While in the kitchen, I noticed that *SOMEONE* left a bag of brownies on the top of the coffee maker...what a weird spot, they had been so nicely tucked away in the bread box. Did I put them back? Noooooo...I stared wistfully at the chocolate-chip-studded-chewy-goodness...and ate a few handfuls of nuts. I stared some more, then decided to compare the relative merits of the Planter's lightly-salted dry roast with the Trader Joe's blister peanuts. Both were quite tasty, the Planter's having a lightly seasoned flavor, but the TJ's being a bit more crispy. I stared at the brownies again. "Have a few grapes to satisfy your sweet craving!" chirped the little haloed being on my one shoulder...she bore an odd resemblance to Mary Lou Retton. (Yes, I just received The Platform...thank you again, MizFitMotivationalBuddy/Personal Jillian SeaBreeze, who won the prize on contest site CrankyFitness and asked that they send it to me! And I might even have an original take on a blog post about The Platform soon, too....) "Kind of late, aren't ya, sister?" I muttered to myself. Whereas the tiny pitchfork-wielding creature on my other shoulder cackled herself silly, because instead of having the few grapes first (or even the bite of brownie I had wanted in the first place), I'd just snarfed down half a day's worth of calories in nuts.

So, what now? I shake my head and chuckle a bit more at my human foibles, and then think. What else can I do? Well, there are the trite-and-true possibilities:

• If I want something crunchy, eat carrots and celery instead of nuts (bonus: that bag of baby carrots is good to go...I need to prep the celery, though)
  

• If I want something salty, have some broth

• If I want something sweet, check the fruit drawer...ours had grapes and blueberries. Or there's always my Good Earth tea. Or sugar-free mints, the bread box has a whole baggie full, I remember now. If only I'd put those brownies away....
  

• If I'm stressed, I could do some stretching, walk around a little, jumping jacks

Any other ideas? I'm nuts for 'em!